Ode to a Dying Love Affair

Oh food...
How I have loved you!
You have been so good to me for so many years.
I love you.

You have been with me through so much.
You've stood by my side when no one else did.
You've brought me pleasure and comfort in unspeakably horrific times.
I really appreciate that.

You have helped me get to sleep.
Helped me to face life with courage.
Helped me to feel happy.
Helped me to feel less alone.
You've also been a great distraction, helping me to avoid the things I didn't want to do.
You have been the only glue around which some of my relationships have held together.

Sometimes you have been really special and new and exciting.
A taste of heaven, if you will.

You have always been there through the good times.
And that's nice.
But, more importantly, you have always been there for me through the bad times.

Through break-ups, marital difficulties, and divorce.
Through work problems, job loss, and poverty.
Through school anxiety, tests and due dates.
Through all sorts of physical and emotional aches and pains.

And every night you have been there for me as a dependable source of stress relief.
A friend to look forward to, giving me the strength I needed to get through a difficult day.
A way for me to be good to me.

You've been so good to me.

I love the way you look and taste and feel and smell.
You are so intoxicating at times.
Dazzling. Splendid. Satisfying. Euphoric.

At times I have worshipped you.
I have raised you high above anyone or anything else.
I jealously guarded our relationship, letting nothing get between us.

I have been good to you too.

I have kept you around after your expiration date.
I have hoarded as much of you as I could afford, always looking for the lowest prices.
I have eaten you when you didn't taste that good.
I have rescued you from garbage cans, cracks in the couch, the floor, other people's plates, leftovers, day-olds.
I have been a great champion and defender of you.

I have spent my last dime on you, even when I desperately needed other things.
I have thought about you, looked forward to you, cherished you, kept you close by my side.

You have comforted me when I was troubled.
You have given me courage and strength when I was weak and afraid.
You have helped me stay awake when I was tired.
You have relaxed me when I was stressed.
You have helped me mix with people when I felt afraid or insecure or awkward.

I have studied you and manged you.
I have played with you and joked with you.
I have worked for you and worked with you.
I tried to fix you just right.

I have fought with you, missed you, and made up with you.
I have scolded you, yelled at you, and put you on restriction.

I have eloped with you, made love to you, and had one night stands with you, and reserved private times for just you and me.
I have been a constant and faithful friend to you.
I have loved you truly and passionately and deeply.

I know you tried hard to meet my needs.
I know you tried to make up for all my deficits and shortcomings and inadequacies.
I know you did your best.
Thank you.

But it didn't work out.

Because I depended on you to do for me what you really didn't have the ability to do, I suffered.
Greatly.
And I missed out on a lot of other good things I could have had.

Because I depended on you too much...

I gained a lot of weight. 100 pounds of extra fat. 16 extra inches on my waist.
I quit caring about my appearance and hygiene.
I avoided clothes shopping at all costs.
I lost my self-control, my power of choice.
I lost some friendships, and missed out on others I could have had.
I wasted much time which could have been used to benefit me or others.
I suffered mountains of pain, sadness, discomfort, guilt, shame, self-loathing, self-hate.
I lost my clear connection with God.
I was not able to freely love and give of myself to my friends and family, because my commitment to you had to come first.
I've prostituted myself and my values to get you cheaply, or better yet, for free.
I lost my peace and serenity.
I avoided facing and solving my real problems.
I made poor decisions about my schedule, because I based it around when and how much of you I would have access to.
I have not been physically attractive to women.
I have high blood pressure, and have to take medicine for it.
I have high triglycerides.
I snore.
I suffer with fatigue.
I sweat easily.

So...
I can not continue this love affair.
It causes too much damage.

I am going to set you free to be and do what you were created to be and do.
No more.
No less.

What were you created to be and do?
To satisfy my physical hunger.
To give me energy to live.
To supply my nutritional needs, so I can be healthy and well.
The fact that you are pleasurable is a nice fringe benefit to be enjoyed.
But that's all.

You no longer need to be my lover, parent, friend, god, solution, drug, distracter, pacifier.

When I think of life without you I am flooded with emotion. I feel...

sad
hurt
painful
scared
naked
terrified
lonely
empty
alone
bored
restless
raw
inadequate
fearful
unvarnished
lost
exposed

But you know what?
I'll be OK.
I have great friends who care about me.
I have a great God who wants to help me become a man.

It won't be easy.
Sometimes I will be tempted to come running back to you.
But I know you're not the answer.

My life will surely be different without you as a lover.
But it will be better.

I will miss you.
We had some good times together.
And again, I appreciate everything you tried to do for me.

It's not your fault that it didn't work out.
It was my fault for asking you to be and do more than you were able to be and do.
I'm sorry that I got you into this.
And I'm sorry that I have to leave you.
But I do.

I trust that you will be well, and that you will find true satisfaction in being and doing what you were created to be and do.

Farewell, my love. God be with you.

Sincerely,

Doug
Your former lover extraordinaire