The three T's of good communication

When communication breaks down it is often because of three common mistakes. Truth is not told. Truth is told in a callous way. Or Truth is told at an inopportune time. Good communication thrives on Truth, Tact, and Timing.

TRUTH: If we do not speak the truth we can not expect good communication. Usually when we think of not speaking the truth we think of outright lies. Although this is a problem, lack of truth can also take the form of not saying things that need to be said. It is an "error of ommission." Another way is to shade the truth by exaggerating some parts, or playing down others. For example, if coworker asks if the music she is playing at her desk is bothering you, instead of saying, "Yes," you say, "I'm getting used to it." For communication to be effective it needs to be undiluted and direct.

TACT: Sometimes the content we communicate is factually accurate but it is delivered in an unpalatable way! Our tone of voice, or the character assinations we tack on to our statements make it very difficult for the other to receive without being on the defensive. Many arguments start and blow up because of this. It's not the message that's the problem; it's the delivery system. For example, screaming "You left the dishes on the table again, you slob!" is not likely to be met by receptive ears. In fact, you'll probably get an earful back! "Well look at the loads of laundry you have backed up! And you never have dinner on time anyway."

TIMING: Sometimes we communicate truth in a tactful way, but at a time that doesn't work well. When the other is tired, preoccupied, sick, or has just suffered trauma they will be less likely to receive your communication with gratefulness. For example, when your spouse comes home and announces he lost his job it would not be the best time to point out why he shouldn't have taken that job in the first place, or all the reasons where you think he messed up and should do differently in his next job. Yes, sometimes truth can't wait for the perfect time. But if we think a little bit we can usually spot a place in the schedule when we know it will be a good time for the other.

Truth, Tact, and Timing. Three key ingredients to effective communication.